do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
