i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
