Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think my vagina is haunted
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
