Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
