Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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