Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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