I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
