Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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