The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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