Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
