you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
