your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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