you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
