On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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