We're facebook friends in real life
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
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