I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
