I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
