he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There's always time for handjobs
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
