My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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