Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
