Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
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i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
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Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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