I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
