I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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