Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i was born a porn star she said
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
