I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
