my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
