its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
