I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
