i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
