drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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