The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
