finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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