I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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