just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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