If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
