And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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