: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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