if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
