My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
