Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
