go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
