So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
