Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
