We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
