i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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