i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just cropdusted the office
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
