Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Who wears a wallet chain?!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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