So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
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We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
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just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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