Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
