just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
