Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
