It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
