I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
