I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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