What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
