so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
