She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
