He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
