where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
