I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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