So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
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You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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