I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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