walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
