So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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