Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
