You can't motorboat a personality
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
