So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize