Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
