I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
