she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
