She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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