I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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